Another one down.

Theres another one gone, 2013 - can you believe it?

As 2014 arrived I was sound asleep in bed, where I had been since 9pm. Honestly - life with four little ones under 5 makes for early bedtimes and early mornings in this house. My husband, who stays up to do the twins last feed of the night, every night (bless him) came in to give me the 'happy new year kiss', which he probably doesn't know, but is a tradition in this house. It has to happen. Even if it means him waking me up for it.

All around the world right now blog posts are going live about new year resolutions. Honestly- I have never been one for resolutions. I'm too much of a pessimistic realist to do it as I know I'm also too lazy to loose that 5kg, that I actually hate exercise and that I love eating.
In memory there have only been two years I've done the resolution thing. Once in my early 20s when I decided I needed to like my body more and to do that required loosing said 5kg by going to the gym. That lasted all of 3 months before the women's only gym vibe wore me down and I realised again that I hate exercise. Honestly- I have never felt that great feeling people talk about when they exercise. I just feel like shit.
The other time was 2008, when actually, my entire life changed completely.

I had two goals and two only:

1. Be brave; and
2. don't fuck up.

Turns out I was neither brave and yet my bravest at the same time. And boy did I fuck up - but those fucks ups lead to greatness.That year I went traveling by myself which turned out to be a catalyst to almost all the change. I finally beat depression and started working towards healing some of the damage the battle had wrought in me.
I realised my marriage was not working and although we could of revived it to be content enough, we were on two different pages, if not actually in two completely different books, and we were better off as friends (and we are).
I rebounded with Simon (again), and this time it stuck and omg did it stick. I got pregnant with Zander almost at the blink of an eye.
And - well, Zander, He Who Changed Everything, arrived early 2009.

A while ago I saw a quote on Pinterest: "rock bottom became the foundation I rebuilt my life on". I don't know where it originated (edit: JK Rowling apparently), but it was resounding. That was 2008.

This year though I'm going to set myself some simple goals again... and hey, new year seems the perfect time to launch it.

1. Pick up my camera more.
Its been so long since I've actually taken a proper photograph that it hurts looking at my camera. My computer broke almost a year ago and it took 8 months to get the funds, inclination and time to fix it, and although I could of worked around it, with some minor difficulty, I just didnt. Poppy and Ruby never had any proper 'newborn' (not that they had a newborn stage, but you know) photos done - just quick and dirty phone snaps. Besides missing the creative outlet I also miss capturing all these moments.

I also miss working with photography and maybe once my degree is done I will go back to working on it part time.

Anyway I'm seriously considering doing a 52 week project, with a portrait of each of my children each week. Lets see how that goes.

2. Complete
Complete my degree, get it done. This isnt a huge revelation as I've been chipping away at it for years. I even completed a paper last semester while the twins were hospital bound. This is the year to get it done. 3 more papers. Thats all. Then that weight is gone and I will be officially qualified for the job I already do. I just need some encouragement and focus to do it as 2 of those 3 papers are the most boring and dry shit you have ever tried to read.

3. Be still more. (And stop having a go at myself about it).
The other morning I gave myself a right bollocking because I had sat and read my book for almost an hour between getting up and feeding the babies and going to work. I didn't clean the bottles like I should of, or unload the dishwasher, eat or clean up any mess. I ended up only having a quick dash through the shower because I left it so late.
Then about an hour later I gave myself another bollocking for giving myself a bollocking. My eldest kids were away at Granny's, Simon was sleeping in and home all day to get the odd chore done anyway and why the hell not should I take a few minutes to enjoy a book?

Some of my best mornings are snuggled on the couch with kids, I should do that more.

Some of the best mornings are going back to bed for cuddles, or staying up late with a glass of wine watching tv with my husband.

which brings me to:
4. Be with them more.
Allocate time for study. Allocate time for work. allocate time for chores. But once those slots are up, they are up. Don't bring work stress home (something I've recently been doing again), Don't worry if the chores are left, just prioritize them.
Go build castles out of lego, or sit in the back garden with the kids. Bounce a baby on my lap more and spend extra moments dancing in the lounge.



Thats it.