#badweek

One thing that annoys me most about bloggers is that we tend to only post about the good times. I kind of feel that all this social media these days is just adding to the pressure to be a perfect mother/wife/daughter/artist. Bloggers tend to only post the happy shiny moments, seem to have perfectly clean and styled apartments and beautiful and well behaved children. Its what I hate most about mommy bloggers. You almost never hear about the bad stuff. How annoying it is to see a friend on facebook post a picture of their child baking all by themselves at the age of 3, or a beautiful mother's selfie with her five amazingly beautiful children on a sunny summer's day, enhanced with just the right instagram filter. You kind of get to feeling their lives are always perfect and pristine and that unlike you, they haven't spent the last 30 minutes tearing their hair out because child number 1 wont stop whinging for a cookie and child number 2 is adamant that they need medicine because they 'have chicken nuggets in their bum'. I hate that perfection mask that seems to be the rage.

I'm trying to not be like that here. I mean - I love my children, and I have these moments where I'm phenomenally proud and stunned at their awesomeness... but holy crap they can spend 93% of the day winding us up like no bodies business.

And I love my busy and varied life, but I'm damn over the constant moving at times.

I feel that sometimes its important to remember that, and share it.

This last week has been, to put it plainly - shit.
A series of misconstructions and miscommunications have lead to the build up of an almost all out household war. My near constant sleep deprivation from Zander getting up all night with his 'nightmares' (sidenote: I want to feel sorry for him but the other night he got out of bed while Simon was still up, crying his head off, because he had a dream he got to eat all the cookies straight away - I mean wtf kid!? Also I have two 6 month old babies - yet its the eldest keeping me awake, again - wtf kid!?) has made me tired, depressive and at the end of my coping tether. I'm a grumpy cow. I'm resentful too. I'm resentful that I'm constantly busy or having something that needs to be done (right now) and that I cant sit here and type. I'm resentful that I feel guilty that I'm sitting here typing. Most of all I'm resentful that I should be starting my study up again and that more of my precious time with them will be stolen. Even the fact that if I don't fuck it up I will be finished this degree at the end of the year is not cheering me up or motivating me.

I just wanted to put that out there. Because to be honest - most of the time I'm doing really good. I am juggling all this motherhood, wifey, working and studying gig like a mother fucking boss, but sometimes it does wear me down and sometimes I just have to remember that that is ok. And others who are having hard moments need to hear its a normal part of life, because I certainly do. I need constant reminding that I'm doing good and that I'm not meant to be on the game and near to perfect as possible all the time.