Little rules

I have a pocketful of the littlest rules for myself, for how I live right now. You would think rules would constrict you ...but really, slowly the are setting me free.

The other day I remarked to Simon that I feel like I'm getting more and more happy (although I also said That  'he seems to be getting more and more miserable' - but it was a fairly crap day kid whinging wise) and I think its down to my little rules.

For example: In my mind I say "The kids are awake - I must press save and walk away now. Right now".
And I do.

For example: I have made myself never take the phone into the kids bedroom while I'm helping Evie get off to sleep. I just lay there and think, and breath slowly, calmly and stare up at their streamer and bunting filled crazy ceiling. I try to sort through the stress in my brain and let go of it. Sometimes it works really well. sometimes it doesn't but I'm glad I try anyway.

For example: I don't play on my phone, check Facebook or whatever while I feed a baby. Because chances are in my day I will only get to feed one of them once, sometimes twice. We are like ships in the night some days and I need to take every moment I can to stare down at their little faces, or be present with my other children.

For example: Rule about time to myself. I'm letting myself have half an hour before I start some heavy reading for my research. I need time. I need time to catch up, have a cup of tea and relax a bit. I'm important too.

I'm trying really hard to be a bit more present when I am around the kids, as hard as it is some days when I'm incredibly worn out, because I know that they are only this small for a short amount of time. I'm wary of life and how fragile it is. I'm wary of how swiftly it can all be swept away.