Formula, hey? Its potential to become a mother's dirtiest secret. For me, choosing not to breastfeed, (yeah, choosing), caused me a whole ton of heartache, depression, and self esteem issues. Yet I couldn't do it. The pros and the heartache just didnt outweigh the rest.
Its not because I thought it was yucky - I have no problem seeing people breastfeed, I think its pretty awesome really that you can nourish another human for years just from your own body. Nor was it because I was uneducated on the subject, because I was educated over and over and over.
But in the end it was simply because of a deep set emotional problem that I could not get past to do it.
And I still can't get past it.
I might understand it a lot better, I might even be able to work my brain through it a lot better, but its still there, it still fucks me completely up and I wanted to be a mum to my children, and not a heap on the floor only providing sustenance. My kids need a mother, and my husband needs and wants his wife and friend.
My reasons are valid to me. They are pages 91-92 of a freaking book valid.
And its interesting how I've been treated this time around, I don't know if hospitals have had a shake up since giving birth to my first two babies, but not breastfeeding the twins and getting away with it (yeah, it feels like that) is incredibly different. Besides the first NICU nurse and also thanks to her for doing a thorough handover for the first time in my life, who cornered me in my room at 3am after a long day of labour and a C-section to ensure I was 'absolutely positively sure I wanted to go down the past of not breastfeeding' because I 'could never go back', no one has mentioned it, not one person. Infact the only references to it were a communication error on policies of supplying lunches to SCBU parents 'One thought it was only for breast feeders, so my husband and I both were out in the cold for lunch), a friendly 'hows your breasts feeling? - try some cabbage leaves' shortly post-partum, and 'oh whoops, that's right, the girls formula is in the fridge'.
And I've been feeling ok, I've been getting through the guilt.
And now, beautifully timed with the upcoming World Breastfeeding Week, Fonterra go and announce a monumental fuckup, sending parents using formula (namely Karicare) into yet another tailspin.
So, cutting a very long and badly written story short (in my defense I have two toddlers literally playing Fireman Sam under my feet right now) in response to this national outcry, what better time to bring this awesome movement up:
'I Support You' is the lovechild of [my personal hero] Suzanne Barston of the Fearless Formula Feeder and and author of Bottled Up, Kim Simon of Mama By The Bay and Jamie Lynne Grumet of I Am Not the Babysitter, who wanted to get together and start a movement to stop the Mommywars and guilt over feeding choices.
From the FFF blog:
The I Support You movement is a respectful, empathetic, compassionate exchange between parents. We all feed our children differently, but we are all feeding with love, and in ways that work for our individual circumstances and family dynamics. I Support You is the first step in helping formula-feeding, breast-feeding, and combo-feeding parents to come together and lift each other up with kindness and understanding. We have chosen to announce this movement during World Breastfeeding Week, to honor the commitment of those who fight for better support for breastfeeding moms; we are inspired by this, but believe that by changing the focus to supporting all parents, we can truly provoke positive change without putting the needs of some mothers above the needs of others. The “I Support You” movement aims:
So, I support you, mum of the identical triplets in SCBU who is pumping and breastfeeding as much as possible. I support you little new mum who doesn't seem to be producing milk and her doctor father is pushing her to keep at it while she sobs as quietly as she can behind a screen in very busy ward. I support you other twin mum who broke out the pre mix formula bottle the other day and is now freaking out about Stupid Fonterra. I support you little lady who stopped breastfeeding due to her own health reasons. I support you my best friend who breastfed her daughter while going straight back to work producing a film, including through meetings, high brow and low brow alike. And finally I support you my loving, wonderful husband, the best father I have ever known, who is currently sitting in the special care baby unit, feeding formula down a NG tube to one of our twin daughters.1) To bridge the gap between formula-feeding and breastfeeding parents by fostering friendships and interactions.2) To dispel common myths and misperceptions about formula feeding and breastfeeding, by asking parents to share their stories, and really listening to the truth of their experiences.
3) To provide information and support to parents as they make decisions about how to feed their children.
4) To connect parents with local resources, mentors, and friends who are feeding their children in similar ways.
Lovely post, thank you. I too did an I Support You post. Congratulations on your twins (plural in both senses, it seems) :)
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